I'm struggling with scrambled brain syndrome. I'm having trouble sorting out my thoughts on what needs to be done next. I'm going through an extreme self-improvement, and figuring out the next step is rough. It's not just that, but sorting out what actually needs to be done is the hardest thing for me. We're going to be trying to sell our house in the near future, which makes my heart race and my head spin itself. Maybe that's what's really getting me. It's the impending change that I know I'll have a hard time with. I hate listing our house because it means I'll have to keep it show ready. If you know our house, then you know that will be next to impossible for me. I'll have to pack up everything that isn't an absolute necessity, and put it up. That means, most of the toys will be put up. Fortunately, Hannah will have all of her books, but Seth doesn't have any thing in particular that he chooses to play with, it's usually just whatever Hannah has, except books, which he only plays with on occasion. So if I can keep some toys that Hannah likes, then I guess Seth will be happy too. :)
We're looking to significantly downsize, but I'm afraid of that. I'm afraid of what that means for our stuff, which is so stupid because if it won't fit in the size of house we get, then we obviously don't need it, and should get rid of it. I'd love to get rid of a lot of the stuff we have anyway. We have way too much.
I'm reading Radical by David Platt, which, those of you who frequent Tricia's blog, was a book that had a huge impact on her viewpoint of the church. It's having more of an impact on my viewpoint of myself right now, which is selfish and totally against what the book is about, but I'm pretending that it's part of it. In order to see the necessity of change in the church, then you have to look within yourself and see what needs to be changed. Then you can make a difference within the Church, and help others to realize the need for change within themselves. I have about 50 pages left in the book, and then Dusty's going to read it. I hate that I picked a time to read the book, when the one person I know, that has read it that I'd like to discuss it with, is out of the country. Oh well. C'est la vie. (I think I felt compelled to use French as a tribute to the Senegal trip, and Tommy's trip to France.)
On a completely unrelated note, we have to get new tires. Whoa, huge unexpected expense! Ours are getting worn, but not terribly worn, but then a 3 1/2-4 inch metal rod got stuck in one tire, and before we knew it was there it turned toward the inside of the tire, and caused it to start bulging. Ergo, that new tire is eminent. We'd just talked probably two weeks ago about getting new tires within 5000-10000 miles, so we may just go ahead with it now so all the tires will wear evenly. Oh, the joys of owning expensive treasures on earth. If it weren't such a necessity, then I'd sell it too.
Hopefully I can start separating out my thoughts and organizing them better soon. I feel snowglobish.
GAH! Jennie, you amaze me. I know no one else who pursues holiness as intentionally as you do. I so admire you for that. I'm so proud of you for actually living out a biblical/radical life change and downsizing, ignoring the American dream in favor of keeping life simple and focused on God.
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome. I know it will be hard, but I trust that God will bless you as you obey Him.
And, uh, no you are not selfish for applying Radical to yourself. As you said, every part of the Church must change if the Church will ever change. And anyway, I have a horrible tendency of reading those kind of books and thinking "Yes, everyone else should do this!" and only minimally applying it to myself. Because I am prideful. Again, that is what I admire about you. :)