Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Day

Well, it has been a long day.  This morning was horrible because I feel goalless.  I'm thinking I need to pursue something with many goals.  I think this is why I was successful in school because I constantly had goals to look and work for.  Anyway, I did get some menial goals accomplished though.  I hadn't done laundry since we got back from Thanksgiving, so I did 6 loads of laundry, folded and put away, including sheets which I put back on the beds.  I unloaded, loaded and ran the dishwasher, gave my kids lunch, taught 3 piano lessons, and made supper for our family, in addition to making bread.  It wound up being an exhaustive, but fulfilling day.

Piano...ugh.  I can't wait to move because I'm hoping the convenience of proximity of my house will keep the piano students from sticking with me.  If not, then I may just need to tell them I can't teach after we move because of...well, whatever.  My last student's lesson was over at 5:15.  I told her mom, as she was walking out the door, we'll see you at a quarter after 5...the same time her lesson ends EVERY week.  After the lesson, the girl started playing with my kids, (note: she had a cold, so that made me Lysol every item in the living room after she left), so that was great.  I started making supper, got it almost completely finished, and FINALLY 30 minutes...THIRTY MINUTES...after the lesson ended.  She came in and said that she had forgotten she had a kid over here.  I'm sorry, what?  Then she play argued with Seth about whether or not she could have the necklace he was wearing for way too long, took God's name in vain a few times, and I walked back in the kitchen to finish my supper.  I couldn't wait any longer!  My food would've burned!  My bread was wilting in the pans because I needed to get it out!  She was disrespecting my house by staying after she'd already disrespected it by leaving her kid here for 30 extra minutes.  Ugh...

I'm just sick of presumptuous people taking advantage of my inability to be rude.  Oh well...next subject only semi-related.

I'm thinking that we're not going to list our house on January 2.  I think we're going to wait until February 1 instead.  I was going through things in my head this weekend, and with Hannah's birthday, Christmas, being out of town for Christmas, and putting up decorations, I just think it's illogical and WAY too much pressure to get it done for the first of the year.  If we got a storage facility at the beginning of January, and started moving stuff out and took the whole month to get stuff ready, it would be so much easier than doing it now.  I'd need to start NOW, and I can't.  I don't even have Hannah's birthday present yet, nor have I done much of any Christmas shopping at all.  Can't do it now.  Although, I did refrain from making any purchases online yesterday.  I feel quite good about it. :)  I only have a few presents to buy, but I still need to get a move on.

I love reading.  The end.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Home

It's so nice to be home.  My dishes, my water, my kids' bathtub, my kids' beds, and eventually my bed.  It's always nice to be with family, and almost always nice to be home from being with family.  I'm used to being around 2 well behaved children, and to be around more than 3 times that many kids that are well behaved, but not quite as well as ours, it's exhausting.  And deafening.  Don't get me wrong.  These kids are very well behaved being in a family with that many, it's just impossible to keep a thumb on that many kids at once.  My poor kids got in trouble a lot, but they were also well behaved when the others weren't, so they were greatly commended for that. 

Oh and guess what?  Both of my kids are well at the same time for the first time in over 4 weeks!  Seth started getting well yesterday, but was still cranky and lethargic at times.  Today he was great.  Lots of smiles. :)

I was unable to get much sleep when we were gone, so I'm quite tired, but it was a great time.  I was able to finish The Happiness Project, read entirely Jim and Casper Go to Church (READ THIS!!! Jim, a Christian, takes Casper, an atheist, to church and has him point out the things that put him off as an outsider.  There's much MUCH more to it than that, so read it.  It took me no time to read.)  I also started a fun book by an author that I've read before.  It's a kid's book that ties in Greek mythology a little.  It's starting out to be a good book, but I'm reading it out loud, so Dusty could hear while driving, so I didn't get far.  Also, I started another book that I can read myself, while he was busy doing other things.  It was a great long weekend.  Which I could do it all again tomorrow...ok, maybe the day after.  I'd like to get a good couple of nights' sleep under my belt.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Thankful

I'm going to be being thankful for the next few days, and I hope you will be too.  I will, most likely, not be posting anything until at least Saturday, so I want to wish you a very happy Thanksgiving!  :)

Monday, November 22, 2010

Oh, what a Beautiful Morning

"Mommy, I throwed up."

Words that are terribly unpleasant to hear out of a dead sleep. 
Words that make you jump out of bed faster than if a spider were in it with you.
Words that make you want to crawl in a hole.
Words that make you question your ability to teach grammar to your children.

Nope, not really playing Password.  Just recalling what was going through my head last night JUST after I'd fallen asleep.  These words are not words I want to hear coming out of a dead sleep.  Especially when we've had a fierce stomach virus in our house.  I have to be honest though.  I'm really not sure what concerned me more: the fact that he threw up, or the fact that he said throwed.  I'll have to think on that for a while.

I'm thinking that Seth doesn't have Hannah's virus though because he hasn't been sick any more.  He has a higher fever, and I'm pretty sure his had to do with drainage.  I thought he was going to be sick after the bath last night, and as Dusty and I were going to sleep I asked him how much he'd bet that Seth was going to throw up tonight.  I would've won that one.  He sucks his fingers, and inevitably gags himself.  Add drainage and a slight cough to that, and you've got an equation for yuck.  So it has been an interesting morning.  Dusty actually stayed home to help me.  I was really worried that both kids were going to be sick, and I wouldn't be able to take care of them both.  Hannah is much better, and I'm just happy Seth's still in diapers.  I'll leave it with that. :)

Sunday, November 21, 2010

What weekend?

I'm so thankful this is a 2-day work week!  I'm ready to have rest.  Except we'll not have much rest since we'll be in a house with a total of 18 people, 11 of which are children.  We'll be terribly outnumbered, and out volumed. It will be a great time though.  Hannah is already looking forward to it. :)

We've spent the past two days with Dusty's parents, and it was not the weekend I had planned.  I wanted to get up our Christmas tree and do a substantial amount of packing.  I guess this was better in its own way, but my plans were thwarted.  Also, I made a sweet potato casserole last night that was...well, not so sweet, and not so great.  I added 5 times the amount of salt that the recipe originally called for.

Note to self: Double check recipes with the recipe giver before attempting recipe.

I had to scrap it and start again.  The second one wound up being very good. Oh, and wound reminds me.

Last night, the first night that Hannah has played since Wednesday morning, she and Seth were pretending her baby was sick.  They called the doctor and she said, "Oh, yes, doctor, she's very sick.  She's hurting all over.  She has a lot of wounds."  Now, reread that statement, except say the word wound like I used it earlier.  I cracked up!  She had read that word, and knew that it should sound like wound...um...because most words like that sound like ow.  lol...I'm a sad excuse for Dr. Seuss.  Whatever, she read it wrong.  It's like the word been, which she now reads and says in conversation like the word bean.  I love that girl.

Hannah is STILL sick.  This is day five now of her having an upset stomach.  I think she's actually finally getting better, but she's just a sick little girl.  Last night I was with her in the bathroom and her stomach was hurting badly.  She said, "Mommy, you said I'd get better fast."

Another note to self (and this is one that my parents told me, but it's hard to remember sometimes): Don't promise things to my kids over which I have no control.

I thought she only would have a 24 hour thing, since that's what's going around, but apparently she's got a rougher one.

Seth's still deaf.  He's on antibiotics now for an ear infection, and I'm glad because he has been complaining today of his ear hurting, and now he's got a fever.

We didn't take our kids to the nursery today.  We took them with us to Sunday school and then the song service part of church.  We just didn't want them to catch something else.  It seems that this time of the year they get sick almost every Wednesday, which is a perfect incubation period for most illnesses that they caught on Sunday.  We'll be seeing my family on Wednesday, so them getting sick that day is not highest on my list.  Of course, they're both sick anyway, so they shouldn't be in there, or we'd be "those" parents that send their sick kids to the nursery that I'm sitting here bemoaning.  So we'll hope they get better and don't get something else before we get to see our family.

OK, and now my mind is gone.  I haven't written anything for quite a while.  I will be going to sleep now. :)

Friday, November 19, 2010

Whew

Well, I think that Hannah's sickness may finally be over.  She's had a rough 3 days.  Today she ate about 8 pieces of cereal, 5 Club crackers, 1/8 of a poptart, 3/4 of a piece of my sourdough bread, about 1/4 c. of chicken broth with noodles, 1/4 c. of rice and 2 very small pieces of pork (the last three things were at supper).  When she was coming in to eat the soup, she said her stomach hurt really badly.  Pretty sure it was from hunger.  She has lost a pound in these 3 days.  Her eyes are going blurry, she says.  I'm not sure what this means, but her doctor said if it continues tomorrow, then we need to take her in and have him check her out.  I have no idea what it is because tonight when we were putting Seth to bed, she said that when her eyes get blurry that Dusty and I talked louder.  We sound louder to her when that happens.  It's really weird.  I guess we'll see how she is in the morning, and then evaluate then.

Also, Seth still can't hear, so if that continues tomorrow morning, then we'll take him to the doctor too.  Poor kids.  I'm sure they're ready to be done with sickness too.  We were potentially having the Hughes' Thanksgiving tomorrow, but with all of this going on, and with the indefinite plans that were made, we've decided to postpone that.

OK, I know this was just a basic post, but I'm going to stop here.  I'm exhausted, and I'm hoping to not get sick.  Good night.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Sicknesses

OK.  I'm done.  I'm over my kids being sick.  We took Hannah to the doctor for her cold on November 4, and she'd had it for a week before that.  Since that day, October 28, one (or both) of them have been sick.  Poor Hannah is so good at controlling her nausea.  She managed it for 6 hours today before she finally was sick.  After her nap she was so excited because she thought she was better, only to throw up an hour later for the first time.  Then after her third go-around she was excited again.  She said, "I threw up three times, and I feel better!"  But alas, that, too, was short lived.  She hasn't been sick again, but she never wants to go more than a foot from her bowl, and that was only a little over an hour and a half ago.  Poor baby.

Seth is such a good boy.  He just played and wanted us to play with him while Dusty was holding her tonight.  For some reason I felt the urge to clean the downstairs bathrooms while Dusty held her and played with him.  I think I'm subconsciously anticipating all of us getting sick, and, consequently, needing those bathrooms to be clean.  Not that they're super dirty anyway, but bathrooms can always use a cleaning.

I think I'm also anticipating us putting our house on that market.  Yep, that's right.  January 2, our house goes up for sale.  We have some properties that Dusty has looked at and liked, so we're not without options if our house goes fast, but chances are it won't.  The houses around here aren't selling well.  I've already started packing the extraneous things.  Of course, I've only packed two boxes because that's all we had.  I'll be a packing machine when I get some boxes though.

You won't be seeing me post anything on facebook about my piano students anymore because my problem student is now my "friend."  Oh my word.  Yesterday I had to teach her half steps and sharps.  You'd think I was teaching her astrophysics.  Not only was it hard for her to grasp, but she contradicted me on more than one occasion.  I would state something, for instance, "This is going DOWN the keyboard." *points down the keyboard*
"Uh, no it isn't."
Uh...YES IT IS!!!  I've been doing this for TWENTY-FIVE YEARS!!!  Don't contradict me on that!
Then the other thing was, "Actually, that isn't a C."
"Um, yes.  It is."
"No, it's not you little snot!  It's a C#!  That's why the # sign is there!"

(OK, maybe I didn't say it exactly like that.)  I don't care if she doesn't agree with me, but don't cop this I-know-better-than-you attitude with me when it comes to piano, and you've been taking for all of ONE year.  *Steps off soapbox*  So, you'll be getting my rantings here now, instead of facebook.  OK, I just got up from typing because I heard yelling outside.  It was this same student and a little friend of hers that apparently can't speak to each other at any decibel level under 108, and at any pitch under dog whistle.  Can I just tell you that I hope that moving makes it so inconvenient for them to come to piano that they have to quit?  It would break my heart. 
No, really. 
What?  Why don't you believe me?

Monday, November 15, 2010

AAAAAAAH!

I'm NOT A CHAIR!!!  I'm not a jungle gym, and I'm not your personal carrier, an encyclopedia, your own personal Cha Cha replier, or your Kleenex!!!  I know I'll miss these days, but today is not one of them.  Nor are you my hair brush, my masseuse, my court composer, or my television show.  I'm not desiring to have my hair combed by your fingers, my back or legs massaged by your elbow or knees, to be serenaded with worse than 20th century music (as if there is such a thing), or entertained by watching you jump over the paper or diaper and feed your pretend baby again.

While I love my children, I do not look forward to Mondays because that means I have 5 days of almost incessant time when I am with these two lovelies, and I get very little time with my husband for that same number of days.  They're the greatest kids in the world, I'm convinced, and I know if I had any other two children then I would no longer be with them because I'd be committed.  Not to the task at hand either.  Whew. Felt good to get that out.

I'm tempted to turn off my phone and computer during the times when they're awake, and maybe without the pull of distraction, I'll be more willing to play and interact.  I'm determined to make things better in my head with this stuff because it's obviously my problem, since these are the greatest kids in the world.  I can guarantee you that I'm not the greatest mom in the world.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

I love this.

I don't want my children to be happy.
Go here.  Read this.  Beyond what I could've spoken myself.

Valentine's Day

I just watched that movie, and while I didn't like a lot of it and it was, for the most part, predictable, it was a movie that was decent with some moments that made the entire show worth watching.  Unfortunately, they were at the very end.  Julia Roberts is on her way from her tour of duty on a 14 hour flight home to spend one night and a few hours only to fly back the very next day.  When she saw her Valentine made me cry.  Yes, I am becoming my mother.  I have yet to cry at a coffee commercial, but I'm pretty sure a Hallmark one has made it on my list.  The other moment was the very last blooper, also involving Julia Roberts.  I'll go ahead and spoil this one for you.  The driver points out Rodeo Drive, and asks if she had ever shopped there.  She said she had once, "and it was a big mistake.  Big.  Huge."  I LOVE when shows and movies reference other shows and movies that I've seen and understand.

My mom has just departed from Senegal!  Yea!!  I can't wait to hear all about it!  I'm ready to hear her perspective instead of from everyone else's.  I'm ready for Thanksgiving and celebrating with family, and making food and watching people eat it. 

It was a long day, but a good one.  We took Seth to the nursery because we thought he was better, but he got another fever tonight.  I'm just not sure what's going on.  I have a MOPs meeting tomorrow, but I'm not sure that I can take him.  We're treating him for pink eye, but he's been on the treatment for more than 24 hours, so he's good to go to the nursery, but I'm not sure if the fever thing is acceptable.  We'll see.  I hope we're able to go though.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Christmas

So I'm thinking about Christmas gifts for my brothers' families.  I got a World Vision catalog in the mail today, and it started me thinking that maybe instead of getting physical gifts for them this year, maybe we could give money to the Forsythe's to buy stuff for the hospital or for a family or something.  I have no idea what it would be used for, and in after thought, I probably shouldn't blog about this. 

The scripture that says don't let your right hand know what your left hand is doing, regarding giving, but I always struggle with that.  I so need approval of what I'm doing, that I feel like I need that affirmation that what I'm doing isn't stupid.  Not whether it's right or wrong, because obviously giving your money to meet the needs of others that don't have anything isn't wrong, but I want to know if it's stupid to give money FOR someone else, or in honor of someone. 

Maybe it's just my pride that I want people to tell me how great it is for us to do that.  Really, it's not great.  If it were great, then I wouldn't be putting the limit on the amount that I'm putting.  I wouldn't be having the doubt in my heart.  It's just something that I'm trying to change in my life, maybe to better the lives of people on earth, but hopefully to better the lives of people eternally.  I just want to be a part of spreading God's word, and I'm doing nothing sitting here typing on a blog. 

So, I'll stop for now and go look through my coupons and try and continue to save money, so we'll have more to give.  It's not mine.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Sitting on the Dock of the Bay...

That's what I was feeling today while the kids and I were sitting right outside the service department getting our new tires put on and the oil changed...for 3 hours.  The kids were EXCELLENT.  I had several people comment on how well behaved they were and polite they were.  It's always nice to be affirmed that what we strive to do is working.

We played with a couple of dry erase mats I'd brought that were new, and they read all the books I brought more than once, they ate tons of goldfish.  After an hour and 45 minutes I let them get down and play with a tire display.  They turned it into their cave, in their minds, and camped out "under" it.  Then they'd eat their food and clean the tires, and then lay down again.  The did this for around 30 minutes, and came back to the seats.  I tried distracting them a little more with books and food, but they were over it.  After more than 2 1/4 hours, I can't imagine why.  I was getting antsy!  I can't imagine how they felt.  So I let them watch a show on my phone.  So thankful for iphones!  Of course, they had a TV there, but I was scared to change it from Matlock and In the Heat of the Night for fear that the old ladies there would turn on us.  I didn't figure Super Why would be as entertaining for them.  Although, now that I think about it, I think old ladies would be better equipped at being patient with long situations than preschoolers.  Oh well.  We made it.  Just under three hours.  I took some Mary Kay to a nurse at a clinic, and picked up some McDonald's so they could eat on the way home, and then be ready to go down the moment we walked in the house (this was not in my plan, nor our budget).  But we left the parking lot of the dealership at 5 til 12.  They were in bed by 12:35, with those stops and the 15 min. drive home.  Hopefully they'll get up before 2:45 because we have dentist appointments at 3.

This is one of those days that got unexpectedly busy over the last few days.  I knew I had the dentist, but we had to get the tires put on as soon as we got them, which was yesterday around noon.  Then tonight I have a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting where we're making 5 batches of stuffing to freeze to give to a center around here that houses homeless women and children, if they have them.  We're also buying precooked turkeys that another service is cooking and offering for sale.  That place is Birth Choice, and they try to counsel and work with mothers that want to abort their children.  So we're killing two birds with one stone...no pun intended. :)  Anyway, the MOPS thing is at 6.  It has just a jam-packed day. 

I'm really thankful for the tires though.  Dusty did a LOT of research to get the best ones for the best price, and I think he was a complete success.  The tires are really quiet and ride really well. 

OK, kids, you have 40 minutes left, and then you have to get up.  I hope you wake up on your own...

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Longing...

You know how I've been reading that the fun is now.  Well, I think that the fun is on pause for about an hour and a half until nap time. 

Oh, Nap Time, why must you be so far away?

On an unrelated note, apparently we have lady bugs inside our house now.  Where do they come from?  I can't say, but I bet they have come a long, long way.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Snippets

Well, we're getting tires for Christmas.  I'm pretty glad.  It's going to be incredible not to have to buy them.

Also, we've started watching Glee.  I think I hear Tricia cheering from across the Atlantic Ocean.

Hannah's FINALLY getting over her cold, which has been around for 2 weeks.  Now if we could only get Seth over it, then we'd get off snot-free (hehe...I just made myself chuckle).

You haven't heard me talk about my piano students (HAHAHA...I accidentally typed stupids) recently, and that's because I'm getting paid regularly, and my students are...wait for it...PRACTICING!  Yeah, I was shocked too. :)

We had Stephanie over last night, and it's so nice to have another person visit who doesn't really care what I serve.  She says she loves it anyway.  And she took pictures of my kids after she gave them bubble gum.  :)  OH, and Dusty inducted her by scaring her to death while she was chasing after the kids.  She stayed for bath time and bed time.  And both kids asked where she was this morning.  She's in.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Money, money, money, moneyyyyy......MONEY

Yeah, pretty sure that our finances are trying to be sabotaged by Satan.  Can he even do that?  Since we're thinking about selling our house and downsizing, we're realizing that none of the houses around us are selling.  Our house appraised for $3000 less than what we paid for it, which means we'll potentially get less than that.  We made an unnecessary, but desired purchase last week, and then this week our tires need replacing.  Oh well.  It's just stuff.  I have very little difficulty not wanting things.  Most things that most people want just aren't necessary for me, or even one of those unnecessary desires.  Of course, I want some new clothes, but only because my neck lines are stretched out from kids, there are small holes in some of my shirts, my jeans do. not. fit. well.  I'd love some new things, but I know that right now it's just not practical.  However, Hannah has very little to wear to church, and maybe 2 or 3 shirts to wear for the winter.  I'm thinking we'll have to break down and buy her some things, but I can certainly do without.  Does this sound like a mother to you?  Yeah, me too.  Thing is, I'm HAPPY to give it up.  I'm happy, not just for my kids to have it, but to maybe send it to other kids in other countries.  Materialism just hasn't ever been a big thing for me.  I do have those things that I love.  My bed, my important jewelry, my car.  I'm sure there are others, but those are the highest ones.  I just don't want to take anything away from my kids though.  They have so many toys, but I don't want to get rid of them.  They play with them ALL the time.  Basically every last toy we have they play with.  They do need downsizing too, and need to learn that skill.  But I know Hannah will think that I'll be talking about giving away all of her toys, and when I say something like, "Oh my word, there are so many toys EVERYWHERE!" in the past, she has said, "I know what we can do with the toys, Mommy!  We can give them to children that don't have any toys!"  Though she says it, I don't think she totally gets what that means though. :)

We're having a friend over tonight.  It's a friend that we're getting to know, but our kids (and I) already love.  Dusty takes some time though.  He doesn't warm up as quickly to people as we do.  Not that he doesn't like her.  He does.  But it'll be a few more visits before he can truly harass her and make jabs at her, like he does with Tricia.  I'm also not sure she's ready for the bath and bed routine.  Hopefully soon though.  What to make...what to make...

Sunday, November 7, 2010

I smell change...

I'm struggling with scrambled brain syndrome.  I'm having trouble sorting out my thoughts on what needs to be done next.  I'm going through an extreme self-improvement, and figuring out the next step is rough.  It's not just that, but sorting out what actually needs to be done is the hardest thing for me.  We're going to be trying to sell our house in the near future, which makes my heart race and my head spin itself.  Maybe that's what's really getting me.  It's the impending change that I know I'll have a hard time with.  I hate listing our house because it means I'll have to keep it show ready.  If you know our house, then you know that will be next to impossible for me.  I'll have to pack up everything that isn't an absolute necessity, and put it up.  That means, most of the toys will be put up.  Fortunately, Hannah will have all of her books, but Seth doesn't have any thing in particular that he chooses to play with, it's usually just whatever Hannah has, except books, which he only plays with on occasion.  So if I can keep some toys that Hannah likes, then I guess Seth will be happy too. :)

We're looking to significantly downsize, but I'm afraid of that.  I'm afraid of what that means for our stuff, which is so stupid because if it won't fit in the size of house we get, then we obviously don't need it, and should get rid of it.  I'd love to get rid of a lot of the stuff we have anyway.  We have way too much.

I'm reading Radical by David Platt, which, those of you who frequent Tricia's blog, was a book that had a huge impact on her viewpoint of the church.  It's having more of an impact on my viewpoint of myself right now, which is selfish and totally against what the book is about, but I'm pretending that it's part of it.  In order to see the necessity of change in the church, then you have to look within yourself and see what needs to be changed.  Then you can make a difference within the Church, and help others to realize the need for change within themselves.  I have about 50 pages left in the book, and then Dusty's going to read it.  I hate that I picked a time to read the book, when the one person I know, that has read it that I'd like to discuss it with, is out of the country.  Oh well.  C'est la vie. (I think I felt compelled to use French as a tribute to the Senegal trip, and Tommy's trip to France.)

On a completely unrelated note, we have to get new tires.  Whoa, huge unexpected expense!  Ours are getting worn, but not terribly worn, but then a 3 1/2-4 inch metal rod got stuck in one tire, and before we knew it was there it turned toward the inside of the tire, and caused it to start bulging.  Ergo, that new tire is eminent.  We'd just talked probably two weeks ago about getting new tires within 5000-10000 miles, so we may just go ahead with it now so all the tires will wear evenly.  Oh, the joys of owning expensive treasures on earth.  If it weren't such a necessity, then I'd sell it too.

Hopefully I can start separating out my thoughts and organizing them better soon.  I feel snowglobish.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Progress

Dad's cancer treatment started: Check
Mom in Africa: Check
Kids internal clocks reset for the time change: Check

Hope the rest of this isn't too much information, but I thought I'd share with you where I've been mentally the past few days.

So for these last few days I've had a great amount of internal (and external) struggle.  When I have these difficulties I'm unable to really make heads nor tails of anything.  Nothing works right in my head.  I have a huge amount of spiritual warfare.  During this time I knew I hated Satan, but I couldn't say I actually loved God.  Quite a bit of spiritual discord.  I'm still not sure what all of that means, after the fact.  I feel like it was a crisis of belief, like Blackaby would say. I'm also not sure if it was just a hormonal thing causing the spiritual warfare, or a spiritual warfare causing what I thought was a hormonal thing.  I don't know if I'll ever know, and I don't know why I'm quicker to assume it was hormonal than spiritual warfare.  Maybe because it's the easier assumption.  Maybe because it feels natural to have that problem.  Whatever the reason, it's frustrating and I wish it would stop.

Side note:  Seth just said, "Mommy, I'm not feeling well" and he laid down on the couch.  I asked him what wasn't feeling well.  He said, "My feelings."  It was so sweet and sad and hilarious all at the same time.  The kids and Dusty had been playing catch, and Dusty said Seth had gotten hit in the mouth with the ball.  Dusty had checked on him with it, but Seth said he was fine.  Apparently his feelings weren't though. :)

OK, back to the main subject.  I'm seeking healing for the difficulty because it's miserable for everyone around me, and me.  Maybe one day I'll be better.  Today I feel like a completely different person than I did Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday.  Yesterday was better, but I wasn't yet myself completely.  I'm back today.  I was able to have people over for supper even.  Shandy and Cheyenne came over for pizza.  It was so much fun because my kids have a great time entertaining Cheyenne.  I was in the kitchen, Dusty was upstairs and Shandy went to use the bathroom and left Cheyenne in the living room with only Hannah and Seth.  Hannah has been practicing babysitting with one of her baby dolls, so I told her that she was baby sitting Cheyenne.  She was so excited. :)  I'm going to give them each a quarter for doing so well.  They'll be thrilled.

After reading Tricia's post about being back in Senegal, I long for the closeness with God that being a missionary would bring out of necessity.  What makes me sad is that having an every day life in America necessitates that relationship too, I'm just too proud and self-centered to develop it.  Hm.  I think there needs to be a change.  I wish I knew how to initiate that.  I know all the Sunday school answers, but what will really click it in my head?

I got a letter today because of a background check our church needed to have us work in the nursery.  There was an incident on there, a speeding ticket.  Problem was, it was for Ohio in 2002, and for a Jennifer Lea Smith.  Pretty sure I've never driven in Ohio, especially not in 2002, and my name was Jennifer Lynn Smith.  Now, I have a speeding ticket, which I had to pay the same amount as that other girl, but mine was in 2001 and in Sangamon County, IL.  I disputed it, and they took my information, and asked me to fax my ID.  Too bad the fax number they gave me is no longer a working number.  Great.  I'll have to call back on Monday.  Weird situation.