My dad has cancer.
MY dad. Wait...what?
Remember last week when there was something going on that I gave little detail about? Well...now we know the results.
I knew when he called me with his cell phone and immediately said he wanted to hang up and call me back on the house phone that it was something big. Something that he wanted Mom on the other phone to hear, not that it was news to her at that point. I thought either the worst news was cancer, or the best news was something else entirely that is completely unrelated to health issues. "Well, we've got some cancer." I'm not sure if that's exactly what he said, and I'm not sure if that was it in its entirety, but the point was made. Of course I have this cacophony in the background at my house. My children picked precisely that moment to slam the lid closed on the piano keys, and open it back up and create a twentieth century masterpiece. I locked myself in my bedroom. Then I was afraid they would break the door down, or break their collar bones, so I told them to find something else to do, and that I had the door locked for a reason.
It's never easy for a 3 year old and a 2 year old to deal with real emotion. They only understand pretend, and babies crying. Not Mommy. So I explained that Grandpa has something called cancer, but with the right treatment, the right medicine, he'll get better. Hannah's first concern was if Grandpa was feeling badly. Fortunately, no. Of course, that means that he's not sick, in her mind.
So now begins more waiting. Wait on the biopsy, wait on the results of the biopsy, and now wait on the treatment. Most of the time I really dislike being this far from my parents. Right now I HATE it.
I hate that I'm reacting so badly to a type of cancer that has proven time and time again to be curable. I hate that I let this affect me in outward ways. I hate that I'm thinking so much about how I'M being affected by this, and it's not even me that has cancer. My dad, is relatively unaffected. How does he DO that?
Tomorrow I'm supposed to get up and be the same "chipper" mom I always am [supposed to be]. How do I decide that it's not a big thing, and it's not going to be any different after the treatment as it was before we even knew about it? Did I mention I'm not good at change? Neither is Hannah, which is why she's fine as long as she knows Grandpa doesn't feel badly.
I will say, I'm thankful my dad has prostate cancer. It could be so much worse. MY dad could be the one with ALS. "Thank you, Lord, that my dad only has prostate cancer."
Jennie, my heart goes out to you...I can imagine how frustrated you must be and how scared you are. Yes, prostate cancer is nowhere near as deadly as many others, but it can be deadly sometimes so your fears are justified. Fortunately, this is not very often. Prostate cancer can make life miserable for some men especially if the prostate has to be removed. There are often nasty after affects to this, incontinence for one. So we will pray that your Dad responds well to either radiation or implantation of radiating rods or whatever else there is available to do.
ReplyDeleteYour dad is an amazing fellow, his primary concern is not himself, but your mother's and your sense of security. He is really a great man. His faith is very powerful. He will whip this, and things will be OK, I feel confident about that.
I will keep you and your dad and your mother and the rest of your family in my prayers.
It's a big thing if it feels like a big thing. And nowhere is there a Mom Code that says you have to be chipper. As a mother, you are supposed to prepare your kids for real life, and the pain of seeing someone you love in trouble is real life. You're allowed to feel awful.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could hug you!
Dad's words: "Well, we'll see what God has in store in this adventure." Wish we could all see life as an adventure. He's out hunting now--just another adventure.
ReplyDelete"What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear. What a privilege to carry EVERYTHING to God in prayer. Oh, what peace we often forfeit! Oh, what needless pain we bear all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer. Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer. Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share? Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer."
ReplyDelete