We made a crash trip to Southern IL yesterday right after lunch. We met my mom and dad for a short stay at my grandparents' house. We got to go to Pioneer's Cabin, which is owned by my dad's long time friend. The kids played in a little cabin the man built, and LOVED it! Today they played outside more than I thought was humanly possible. So much that Hannah has leg pains tonight because she used them so much. :) We carved pumpkins, which they should have loved, but didn't, and I have pictures, but they're still on my camera.
It was really nice to see my dad though. I don't think it really changed anything mentally for me, but it was good to see him NOT losing weight, as people say he is. I'm ready to know the treatment, and see when things will be moving on.
I've been reading a book for quite some time, and haven't ever really delved in as I would've hoped. It's called the Happiness Project. This woman made a New Year's resolution to make her life happier, and challenged herself monthly to do certain things that would, in turn, make her life happier. Not necessarily make her "happy," but "happier." I wanted this book because I had seen her on a talk show, or something, and heard what she had to say. Her anger and my anger were similar. Her desire to not be the type of person she was being, and mine, were similar. I just read yesterday in the book that she'd have "one-sided minifights" and no one would win because she wasn't fighting anyone, but everyone would lose. She would lose because she couldn't control her anger and not lash out at the person, and the person would lose because they became a defenseless victim that has just been lashed. I have these kind of fights all the time. I'm trying to stop them, especially since reading the last book I mentioned, but they still come on occasion.
She also speaks of wanting a gold star for doing things. While sending out Christmas cards, she thought her husband should have thanked her for doing that, complimented the picture, and helped stuff and address them, even though she, and she alone, was the one that had the desire to do the cards. When she came to the conclusion that she would send the cards herself, out of her own desire to do so, she became happier, and she was less resentful of the whole situation and her husband. Interesting thoughts. Easy to think, hard to put into practice. I think I'm going to have to piece out, similarly to what she did, and figure what I want to do, need to do, and in what order to do them.
One thing she said that smacked me in the face is something that I've heard others say, but not in so many words. "The fun part doesn't come later, now is the fun part." She saying that in everything in life, the goal isn't so much the high point, as is the journey getting to the goal. The goal is necessary, the journey is necessary, but oftentimes the journey brings about more happiness than the actual achievement of the goal. Interesting. So when I'm bemoaning the fact that I have to find lunch for our kids, or change yet another dirty diaper for the 4th year in a row, what I should be realizing is that soon I won't have any kids in diapers. While that in itself is a pleasant thought, that also brings with it that fact that I won't have a little bitty person around anymore, which isn't quite as pleasant of a thought. There are so many freedoms that come with children growing a little older, but there are so many pleasures that come with having a little child. Dusty says that he thinks it's natural for a woman to always wish for a little child. He thinks it's a God-given trait, but in reality it doesn't make sense to have a little child after little child until that desire is gone because then the whole world would have a family like the Duggar's. The bottom line is, that I shouldn't bemoan it, but I should rejoice in the fact that I have these moments with my children. This woman isn't writing from a Christian perspective, so she doesn't use words like rejoice (not that rejoice is a purely religious word, but it seems to be used more commonly there than in the secular world), but really that's what I need to be doing.
I got a text yesterday from my old boss. She was wondering if I might be willing to work 6-8 weeks in 2011. I was right in my assumption that it was for someone going on maternity leave. I would love that opportunity because I think it would give me an enormously greater appreciation for what I do now, and for my children, and it would give us a lot of extra money, and would keep my foot in the door at this company, if I ever did go back to work...but I'm pretty glad that I can't do it. It would be so difficult for my children to wrap their brains around the fact that Daddy AND Mommy are going to work today, and every week day for the next few weeks. Someone else will be taking you to the gym, library and out for lunch. You'll be coming to Mommy's work to eat lunch sometimes, in addition to Daddy's. Then after the stint was over, I'd have to answer the question every day for probably months of whether I was going to work today or not. I'm really glad to not have to do that. I know it seems like not much to answer questions, but if you know you know my children, you know how many question there will be and how long those questions will take to go away.
I'm so thankful that God has given us Dusty's job, so that I can stay at home with our kids, and I can be the one to change the diapers and answer all the mundane and repetitive questions. I'm glad that I'm the one that knows that Hannah has difficulty with logic-and not her day care teacher. I'm glad that I know that Seth can count pretty high-but he can only count objects up to 3, and then he just continues saying the numbers in the correct order, but not necessarily because there are that many objects-and not his day care teacher. Not that there's anything wrong with a person taking their kid to day care, but it's wrong for me.
Very introspective couple of days I've been having. Can you tell?
Jennie, what you are talking about with the Happiness Project is what many of us have learned the hard way and it took a lot of years to learn it. I liked the author's description of wanting a gold star for doing something that she wanted to do but her husband did not. And as you say, this is really hard to put into practice. Karon and I catch ourselves all the time wanting the gold star. We are on to it now, but it took a long time to get there.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing that appealed to me was the fun part being right now. This is another lesson that took me too many years to learn. It is not the destination, it is how you do the journey. I know so many men who could not wait to retire and as a result had no fun on the job, assuming it would come later. Once you realize that today is the fun part, you become much less stressed and a much more productive employee at the same time.
You are becoming wiser...much wiser than most people in your age bracket!
As an aside...Karon and I are going to France for a river boat vacation and will be gone until Nov.8th, and chances are good that I won't be able to reply to your blog. My Kindle will access the net just fine, but composing a decent return message is a bit of a chore. So if you are wondering why I don't comment, it is not because I stopped loving you, it is because I am temporarily "off line".
Take care, dear friend!
Tommy
Don't you wish that when you read a book, a little sign would pop up as you go through life telling you how part of the book relates to what you are going through?
ReplyDeleteWhat I mean is, I read a book about being this or doing this, and then after I've lived my life a bit, I think "DANGIT I just read about that and I forgot until now that it would have solved my problem."
Maybe you should invent that.
Tommy, thanks for the confidence boost! I really want to try and implement the knowledge, and hopefully it'll become a habit. I appreciate the heads up that you'll be out of town, and enjoy your vacation! What a wonderful now to remember. :)
ReplyDeleteTricia, so kind of like a facebook notification, only it'll pop up right at the time when an opportunity comes up to solidify the habit you're trying to form? I'll see if I can manage that invention. :)