Totally Unfunctional

Yeah, it's a word.

So the past day and a half I feel like I've been just going through the motions, hardly acknowledging the reality of much.  Yesterday we had leftovers for supper, except Dusty made the kids some eggs, and Seth a ham, egg and cheese sandwich.  I just don't feel like doing anything.  Today I went to Jackson and picked up some music for my students, and went to Dusty's work to eat.  I almost couldn't go to his work because of the effort it took.  What in the wold?  It's not even MY aunt!!

Tomorrow is the visitation.  Dusty is going to work for the whole day, and the kids and I are going to go through our daily routine of the library, and then I'll teach my one piano lesson who rescheduled for the rest of the year for Wednesday from Tuesday.  I'll have the kids ready to leave when Dusty gets there, and then we'll grab some food on the way and go to the visitation in Maury City.  Thursday is the funeral at 10, so Dusty's going to take off the whole day.

I keep hearing awful, tragic things about this accident.  The teenager that did this has, apparently, been turned in for speeding on this road at least three times.  His car rolled down the road after he hit Janie.  I heard it rolled three times.  There is glass spread for a HUGE stretch of road because he rolled so far.  Janie laid on the road with a sheet, that Terry had to put on her, for two hours.  The original ambulance didn't get there for an hour, AN HOUR, and when it did get there, it had to take the boy first because he was actually living, so Janie was still laying there.  The police wouldn't let anyone move her because pictures hadn't been taken yet, and they had to take pictures for documentation of the scene.  Finally, her ambulance came.

It is just a down few days.  I keep thinking that I want to feel special.  I think I'm terrible at dealing with tragedy.  I automatically internalize it and make it my own tragedy.  I want to know how I can be helped through it, and this is not my tragedy!  This is not my family.  I'm just needing to man up and deal.  Two more days and then our life can resume, except I know theirs never will in the same way.

Yes, life will resume.  The blessings are glorious, but only if there are these days to which I can compare them.