OK, so this morning to church I wore a shirt my mom had made with ruffles on it. Not even low-cut enough for the shirt I wore under it to show. I wore a short skirt, but one where my fingertips could touch the bottom of it. (Granted I have the arms of a person 5' 3", but my legs of someone 5'6"-ish) Not at all inappropriate, although it was rather cooler than I expected this morning, so I would've been much warmer with longer clothes.
There is a guy who liked me in college. He's now married, and I have appreciated his friendship, but now I'm wondering if some of the comments he makes to me are slightly inappropriate for a married man to be saying at all, except his wife, much less to a married woman. Or maybe it's just since there is a history of him liking me in the past. Today, I went to change the temperature on the thermostat because it was 47 degrees in our classroom. (OK, maybe not that cold, but my goosebumps had goosebumps.) Dusty had taken off his button down shirt and given it to me, and I was using it as a blanket around the front part of my torso, arms and waist. I went around the corner, found the thermostat, and that inappropriate guy talking to some other guy, who conveniently left as he saw the opportunity arise for inappropriate guy to talk to someone else. Inappropriate Guy asked how I was. I was standing a safe distance away, so that he wouldn't side hug me, which he usually does. I replied that I was doing well, and he side stepped, and side hugged. Ugh. I stepped away to ask how he was doing. He replied, and then said in a semi-low voice, "You look very beautiful today." Now, under normal circumstances with different people it might be OK. Dusty and I both said that. Dusty said, "If it were someone like..." and together we said, "Tommy Meisel" he continued, "it wouldn't be weird. Tommy would say it in a fatherly, caring way." I had just been thinking that if it had come from someone else, how would it make me feel, and Tommy has called me beautiful before, and it isn't uncomfortable at all. It's actually appreciated. Inappropriate Guy is skeevy. This whole situation is compounded by the fact that he has recently told me that he's not doing that great because womenfolk are confusing, and that he wondered if he could talk to me sometime about some of the stuff that has been going on with that situation. Um. No. But of course, I said that talking sometimes is nice to get things in perspective, and if the timing was right, then that may be a possibility. I tried to word things so that I had as many outs as possible, but wouldn't blow him off. Why am I so afraid of offending people?
Dusty said I need to just outright tell him that it makes me uncomfortable when he compliments me like that, especially because he only does it when his wife and my husband aren't around. It's ONLY when he's alone with me, which is rare. He will, however, hug me if Dusty's around, so I know he's not trying to hide everything.
I'm just unsure. Dusty's certain that he's still attracted to me, and is keeping doors open, if any unforeseen circumstances arose. I'm not sure about that because I sometimes feel that he's just being a friendly person because I've seen him act this way to other people when we were in college. So there are my thoughts and the situation as it stands. Not really sure what to do from here...
Well, I am flattered, I think. Jennie, you really are beautiful and I love to tell you that. I will tell you that with Karon beside me and Dusty beside you and without any ulterior motives. With your friend, I strongly suspect other motives, especially when he hints that he wants to talk to you about his womenfolk situation. Big clanging bell here!
ReplyDeleteFirst, he does this surreptitiously and only where no one else can hear. If he were just a friendly guy he would not limit these comments to when you are alone.
Second, he wants to talk about his love life. It is OK to talk about these things with someone who you know and trust and who is not trying to put the make on you, but with someone your own age and the opposite sex, and not a professional counselor, this is not appropriate at all. Perhaps subconsciously he hopes you will feel sorry for him and help alleviate his distress. Notice I said "perhaps", I am not sure. But seldom will a male discuss his love problems with anyone yet alone an attractive woman his age unless he wants more than just sympathy.
I agree with Dusty, you just need to tell him that he is making you uncomfortable. If you don't want him to even hug you, that is fine, just tell him. That has happened to me, you know how forward I can be sometimes, and I get the message right away and I am not offended. Once you tell him that you are uncomfortable with his comments or his hugs or both, if he doesn't get this very clear hint, you can send Dusty after him with a baseball bat. He may be like the proverbial mule that needed to get his attention aroused with a ball bat first.
And, dear friend, you are beautiful!
Tommy
Thank you, Tommy, and Dusty thanks you too for what you said in your first paragraph. I definitely mean it as a compliment, that I take what you say as a compliment, and I know you'd say it in front of whomever. This person, obviously, is selective. I do appreciate you words though. It's nice to get an outside perspective.
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