So I'm thinking about Christmas gifts for my brothers' families. I got a World Vision catalog in the mail today, and it started me thinking that maybe instead of getting physical gifts for them this year, maybe we could give money to the Forsythe's to buy stuff for the hospital or for a family or something. I have no idea what it would be used for, and in after thought, I probably shouldn't blog about this.
The scripture that says don't let your right hand know what your left hand is doing, regarding giving, but I always struggle with that. I so need approval of what I'm doing, that I feel like I need that affirmation that what I'm doing isn't stupid. Not whether it's right or wrong, because obviously giving your money to meet the needs of others that don't have anything isn't wrong, but I want to know if it's stupid to give money FOR someone else, or in honor of someone.
Maybe it's just my pride that I want people to tell me how great it is for us to do that. Really, it's not great. If it were great, then I wouldn't be putting the limit on the amount that I'm putting. I wouldn't be having the doubt in my heart. It's just something that I'm trying to change in my life, maybe to better the lives of people on earth, but hopefully to better the lives of people eternally. I just want to be a part of spreading God's word, and I'm doing nothing sitting here typing on a blog.
So, I'll stop for now and go look through my coupons and try and continue to save money, so we'll have more to give. It's not mine.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Sitting on the Dock of the Bay...
That's what I was feeling today while the kids and I were sitting right outside the service department getting our new tires put on and the oil changed...for 3 hours. The kids were EXCELLENT. I had several people comment on how well behaved they were and polite they were. It's always nice to be affirmed that what we strive to do is working.
We played with a couple of dry erase mats I'd brought that were new, and they read all the books I brought more than once, they ate tons of goldfish. After an hour and 45 minutes I let them get down and play with a tire display. They turned it into their cave, in their minds, and camped out "under" it. Then they'd eat their food and clean the tires, and then lay down again. The did this for around 30 minutes, and came back to the seats. I tried distracting them a little more with books and food, but they were over it. After more than 2 1/4 hours, I can't imagine why. I was getting antsy! I can't imagine how they felt. So I let them watch a show on my phone. So thankful for iphones! Of course, they had a TV there, but I was scared to change it from Matlock and In the Heat of the Night for fear that the old ladies there would turn on us. I didn't figure Super Why would be as entertaining for them. Although, now that I think about it, I think old ladies would be better equipped at being patient with long situations than preschoolers. Oh well. We made it. Just under three hours. I took some Mary Kay to a nurse at a clinic, and picked up some McDonald's so they could eat on the way home, and then be ready to go down the moment we walked in the house (this was not in my plan, nor our budget). But we left the parking lot of the dealership at 5 til 12. They were in bed by 12:35, with those stops and the 15 min. drive home. Hopefully they'll get up before 2:45 because we have dentist appointments at 3.
This is one of those days that got unexpectedly busy over the last few days. I knew I had the dentist, but we had to get the tires put on as soon as we got them, which was yesterday around noon. Then tonight I have a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting where we're making 5 batches of stuffing to freeze to give to a center around here that houses homeless women and children, if they have them. We're also buying precooked turkeys that another service is cooking and offering for sale. That place is Birth Choice, and they try to counsel and work with mothers that want to abort their children. So we're killing two birds with one stone...no pun intended. :) Anyway, the MOPS thing is at 6. It has just a jam-packed day.
I'm really thankful for the tires though. Dusty did a LOT of research to get the best ones for the best price, and I think he was a complete success. The tires are really quiet and ride really well.
OK, kids, you have 40 minutes left, and then you have to get up. I hope you wake up on your own...
We played with a couple of dry erase mats I'd brought that were new, and they read all the books I brought more than once, they ate tons of goldfish. After an hour and 45 minutes I let them get down and play with a tire display. They turned it into their cave, in their minds, and camped out "under" it. Then they'd eat their food and clean the tires, and then lay down again. The did this for around 30 minutes, and came back to the seats. I tried distracting them a little more with books and food, but they were over it. After more than 2 1/4 hours, I can't imagine why. I was getting antsy! I can't imagine how they felt. So I let them watch a show on my phone. So thankful for iphones! Of course, they had a TV there, but I was scared to change it from Matlock and In the Heat of the Night for fear that the old ladies there would turn on us. I didn't figure Super Why would be as entertaining for them. Although, now that I think about it, I think old ladies would be better equipped at being patient with long situations than preschoolers. Oh well. We made it. Just under three hours. I took some Mary Kay to a nurse at a clinic, and picked up some McDonald's so they could eat on the way home, and then be ready to go down the moment we walked in the house (this was not in my plan, nor our budget). But we left the parking lot of the dealership at 5 til 12. They were in bed by 12:35, with those stops and the 15 min. drive home. Hopefully they'll get up before 2:45 because we have dentist appointments at 3.
This is one of those days that got unexpectedly busy over the last few days. I knew I had the dentist, but we had to get the tires put on as soon as we got them, which was yesterday around noon. Then tonight I have a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting where we're making 5 batches of stuffing to freeze to give to a center around here that houses homeless women and children, if they have them. We're also buying precooked turkeys that another service is cooking and offering for sale. That place is Birth Choice, and they try to counsel and work with mothers that want to abort their children. So we're killing two birds with one stone...no pun intended. :) Anyway, the MOPS thing is at 6. It has just a jam-packed day.
I'm really thankful for the tires though. Dusty did a LOT of research to get the best ones for the best price, and I think he was a complete success. The tires are really quiet and ride really well.
OK, kids, you have 40 minutes left, and then you have to get up. I hope you wake up on your own...
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Longing...
You know how I've been reading that the fun is now. Well, I think that the fun is on pause for about an hour and a half until nap time.
Oh, Nap Time, why must you be so far away?
On an unrelated note, apparently we have lady bugs inside our house now. Where do they come from? I can't say, but I bet they have come a long, long way.
Oh, Nap Time, why must you be so far away?
On an unrelated note, apparently we have lady bugs inside our house now. Where do they come from? I can't say, but I bet they have come a long, long way.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Snippets
Well, we're getting tires for Christmas. I'm pretty glad. It's going to be incredible not to have to buy them.
Also, we've started watching Glee. I think I hear Tricia cheering from across the Atlantic Ocean.
Hannah's FINALLY getting over her cold, which has been around for 2 weeks. Now if we could only get Seth over it, then we'd get off snot-free (hehe...I just made myself chuckle).
You haven't heard me talk about my piano students (HAHAHA...I accidentally typed stupids) recently, and that's because I'm getting paid regularly, and my students are...wait for it...PRACTICING! Yeah, I was shocked too. :)
We had Stephanie over last night, and it's so nice to have another person visit who doesn't really care what I serve. She says she loves it anyway. And she took pictures of my kids after she gave them bubble gum. :) OH, and Dusty inducted her by scaring her to death while she was chasing after the kids. She stayed for bath time and bed time. And both kids asked where she was this morning. She's in.
Also, we've started watching Glee. I think I hear Tricia cheering from across the Atlantic Ocean.
Hannah's FINALLY getting over her cold, which has been around for 2 weeks. Now if we could only get Seth over it, then we'd get off snot-free (hehe...I just made myself chuckle).
You haven't heard me talk about my piano students (HAHAHA...I accidentally typed stupids) recently, and that's because I'm getting paid regularly, and my students are...wait for it...PRACTICING! Yeah, I was shocked too. :)
We had Stephanie over last night, and it's so nice to have another person visit who doesn't really care what I serve. She says she loves it anyway. And she took pictures of my kids after she gave them bubble gum. :) OH, and Dusty inducted her by scaring her to death while she was chasing after the kids. She stayed for bath time and bed time. And both kids asked where she was this morning. She's in.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Money, money, money, moneyyyyy......MONEY
Yeah, pretty sure that our finances are trying to be sabotaged by Satan. Can he even do that? Since we're thinking about selling our house and downsizing, we're realizing that none of the houses around us are selling. Our house appraised for $3000 less than what we paid for it, which means we'll potentially get less than that. We made an unnecessary, but desired purchase last week, and then this week our tires need replacing. Oh well. It's just stuff. I have very little difficulty not wanting things. Most things that most people want just aren't necessary for me, or even one of those unnecessary desires. Of course, I want some new clothes, but only because my neck lines are stretched out from kids, there are small holes in some of my shirts, my jeans do. not. fit. well. I'd love some new things, but I know that right now it's just not practical. However, Hannah has very little to wear to church, and maybe 2 or 3 shirts to wear for the winter. I'm thinking we'll have to break down and buy her some things, but I can certainly do without. Does this sound like a mother to you? Yeah, me too. Thing is, I'm HAPPY to give it up. I'm happy, not just for my kids to have it, but to maybe send it to other kids in other countries. Materialism just hasn't ever been a big thing for me. I do have those things that I love. My bed, my important jewelry, my car. I'm sure there are others, but those are the highest ones. I just don't want to take anything away from my kids though. They have so many toys, but I don't want to get rid of them. They play with them ALL the time. Basically every last toy we have they play with. They do need downsizing too, and need to learn that skill. But I know Hannah will think that I'll be talking about giving away all of her toys, and when I say something like, "Oh my word, there are so many toys EVERYWHERE!" in the past, she has said, "I know what we can do with the toys, Mommy! We can give them to children that don't have any toys!" Though she says it, I don't think she totally gets what that means though. :)
We're having a friend over tonight. It's a friend that we're getting to know, but our kids (and I) already love. Dusty takes some time though. He doesn't warm up as quickly to people as we do. Not that he doesn't like her. He does. But it'll be a few more visits before he can truly harass her and make jabs at her, like he does with Tricia. I'm also not sure she's ready for the bath and bed routine. Hopefully soon though. What to make...what to make...
We're having a friend over tonight. It's a friend that we're getting to know, but our kids (and I) already love. Dusty takes some time though. He doesn't warm up as quickly to people as we do. Not that he doesn't like her. He does. But it'll be a few more visits before he can truly harass her and make jabs at her, like he does with Tricia. I'm also not sure she's ready for the bath and bed routine. Hopefully soon though. What to make...what to make...
Sunday, November 7, 2010
I smell change...
I'm struggling with scrambled brain syndrome. I'm having trouble sorting out my thoughts on what needs to be done next. I'm going through an extreme self-improvement, and figuring out the next step is rough. It's not just that, but sorting out what actually needs to be done is the hardest thing for me. We're going to be trying to sell our house in the near future, which makes my heart race and my head spin itself. Maybe that's what's really getting me. It's the impending change that I know I'll have a hard time with. I hate listing our house because it means I'll have to keep it show ready. If you know our house, then you know that will be next to impossible for me. I'll have to pack up everything that isn't an absolute necessity, and put it up. That means, most of the toys will be put up. Fortunately, Hannah will have all of her books, but Seth doesn't have any thing in particular that he chooses to play with, it's usually just whatever Hannah has, except books, which he only plays with on occasion. So if I can keep some toys that Hannah likes, then I guess Seth will be happy too. :)
We're looking to significantly downsize, but I'm afraid of that. I'm afraid of what that means for our stuff, which is so stupid because if it won't fit in the size of house we get, then we obviously don't need it, and should get rid of it. I'd love to get rid of a lot of the stuff we have anyway. We have way too much.
I'm reading Radical by David Platt, which, those of you who frequent Tricia's blog, was a book that had a huge impact on her viewpoint of the church. It's having more of an impact on my viewpoint of myself right now, which is selfish and totally against what the book is about, but I'm pretending that it's part of it. In order to see the necessity of change in the church, then you have to look within yourself and see what needs to be changed. Then you can make a difference within the Church, and help others to realize the need for change within themselves. I have about 50 pages left in the book, and then Dusty's going to read it. I hate that I picked a time to read the book, when the one person I know, that has read it that I'd like to discuss it with, is out of the country. Oh well. C'est la vie. (I think I felt compelled to use French as a tribute to the Senegal trip, and Tommy's trip to France.)
On a completely unrelated note, we have to get new tires. Whoa, huge unexpected expense! Ours are getting worn, but not terribly worn, but then a 3 1/2-4 inch metal rod got stuck in one tire, and before we knew it was there it turned toward the inside of the tire, and caused it to start bulging. Ergo, that new tire is eminent. We'd just talked probably two weeks ago about getting new tires within 5000-10000 miles, so we may just go ahead with it now so all the tires will wear evenly. Oh, the joys of owning expensive treasures on earth. If it weren't such a necessity, then I'd sell it too.
Hopefully I can start separating out my thoughts and organizing them better soon. I feel snowglobish.
We're looking to significantly downsize, but I'm afraid of that. I'm afraid of what that means for our stuff, which is so stupid because if it won't fit in the size of house we get, then we obviously don't need it, and should get rid of it. I'd love to get rid of a lot of the stuff we have anyway. We have way too much.
I'm reading Radical by David Platt, which, those of you who frequent Tricia's blog, was a book that had a huge impact on her viewpoint of the church. It's having more of an impact on my viewpoint of myself right now, which is selfish and totally against what the book is about, but I'm pretending that it's part of it. In order to see the necessity of change in the church, then you have to look within yourself and see what needs to be changed. Then you can make a difference within the Church, and help others to realize the need for change within themselves. I have about 50 pages left in the book, and then Dusty's going to read it. I hate that I picked a time to read the book, when the one person I know, that has read it that I'd like to discuss it with, is out of the country. Oh well. C'est la vie. (I think I felt compelled to use French as a tribute to the Senegal trip, and Tommy's trip to France.)
On a completely unrelated note, we have to get new tires. Whoa, huge unexpected expense! Ours are getting worn, but not terribly worn, but then a 3 1/2-4 inch metal rod got stuck in one tire, and before we knew it was there it turned toward the inside of the tire, and caused it to start bulging. Ergo, that new tire is eminent. We'd just talked probably two weeks ago about getting new tires within 5000-10000 miles, so we may just go ahead with it now so all the tires will wear evenly. Oh, the joys of owning expensive treasures on earth. If it weren't such a necessity, then I'd sell it too.
Hopefully I can start separating out my thoughts and organizing them better soon. I feel snowglobish.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Progress
Dad's cancer treatment started: Check
Mom in Africa: Check
Kids internal clocks reset for the time change: Check
Hope the rest of this isn't too much information, but I thought I'd share with you where I've been mentally the past few days.
So for these last few days I've had a great amount of internal (and external) struggle. When I have these difficulties I'm unable to really make heads nor tails of anything. Nothing works right in my head. I have a huge amount of spiritual warfare. During this time I knew I hated Satan, but I couldn't say I actually loved God. Quite a bit of spiritual discord. I'm still not sure what all of that means, after the fact. I feel like it was a crisis of belief, like Blackaby would say. I'm also not sure if it was just a hormonal thing causing the spiritual warfare, or a spiritual warfare causing what I thought was a hormonal thing. I don't know if I'll ever know, and I don't know why I'm quicker to assume it was hormonal than spiritual warfare. Maybe because it's the easier assumption. Maybe because it feels natural to have that problem. Whatever the reason, it's frustrating and I wish it would stop.
Side note: Seth just said, "Mommy, I'm not feeling well" and he laid down on the couch. I asked him what wasn't feeling well. He said, "My feelings." It was so sweet and sad and hilarious all at the same time. The kids and Dusty had been playing catch, and Dusty said Seth had gotten hit in the mouth with the ball. Dusty had checked on him with it, but Seth said he was fine. Apparently his feelings weren't though. :)
OK, back to the main subject. I'm seeking healing for the difficulty because it's miserable for everyone around me, and me. Maybe one day I'll be better. Today I feel like a completely different person than I did Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday. Yesterday was better, but I wasn't yet myself completely. I'm back today. I was able to have people over for supper even. Shandy and Cheyenne came over for pizza. It was so much fun because my kids have a great time entertaining Cheyenne. I was in the kitchen, Dusty was upstairs and Shandy went to use the bathroom and left Cheyenne in the living room with only Hannah and Seth. Hannah has been practicing babysitting with one of her baby dolls, so I told her that she was baby sitting Cheyenne. She was so excited. :) I'm going to give them each a quarter for doing so well. They'll be thrilled.
After reading Tricia's post about being back in Senegal, I long for the closeness with God that being a missionary would bring out of necessity. What makes me sad is that having an every day life in America necessitates that relationship too, I'm just too proud and self-centered to develop it. Hm. I think there needs to be a change. I wish I knew how to initiate that. I know all the Sunday school answers, but what will really click it in my head?
I got a letter today because of a background check our church needed to have us work in the nursery. There was an incident on there, a speeding ticket. Problem was, it was for Ohio in 2002, and for a Jennifer Lea Smith. Pretty sure I've never driven in Ohio, especially not in 2002, and my name was Jennifer Lynn Smith. Now, I have a speeding ticket, which I had to pay the same amount as that other girl, but mine was in 2001 and in Sangamon County, IL. I disputed it, and they took my information, and asked me to fax my ID. Too bad the fax number they gave me is no longer a working number. Great. I'll have to call back on Monday. Weird situation.
Mom in Africa: Check
Kids internal clocks reset for the time change: Check
Hope the rest of this isn't too much information, but I thought I'd share with you where I've been mentally the past few days.
So for these last few days I've had a great amount of internal (and external) struggle. When I have these difficulties I'm unable to really make heads nor tails of anything. Nothing works right in my head. I have a huge amount of spiritual warfare. During this time I knew I hated Satan, but I couldn't say I actually loved God. Quite a bit of spiritual discord. I'm still not sure what all of that means, after the fact. I feel like it was a crisis of belief, like Blackaby would say. I'm also not sure if it was just a hormonal thing causing the spiritual warfare, or a spiritual warfare causing what I thought was a hormonal thing. I don't know if I'll ever know, and I don't know why I'm quicker to assume it was hormonal than spiritual warfare. Maybe because it's the easier assumption. Maybe because it feels natural to have that problem. Whatever the reason, it's frustrating and I wish it would stop.
Side note: Seth just said, "Mommy, I'm not feeling well" and he laid down on the couch. I asked him what wasn't feeling well. He said, "My feelings." It was so sweet and sad and hilarious all at the same time. The kids and Dusty had been playing catch, and Dusty said Seth had gotten hit in the mouth with the ball. Dusty had checked on him with it, but Seth said he was fine. Apparently his feelings weren't though. :)
OK, back to the main subject. I'm seeking healing for the difficulty because it's miserable for everyone around me, and me. Maybe one day I'll be better. Today I feel like a completely different person than I did Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday. Yesterday was better, but I wasn't yet myself completely. I'm back today. I was able to have people over for supper even. Shandy and Cheyenne came over for pizza. It was so much fun because my kids have a great time entertaining Cheyenne. I was in the kitchen, Dusty was upstairs and Shandy went to use the bathroom and left Cheyenne in the living room with only Hannah and Seth. Hannah has been practicing babysitting with one of her baby dolls, so I told her that she was baby sitting Cheyenne. She was so excited. :) I'm going to give them each a quarter for doing so well. They'll be thrilled.
After reading Tricia's post about being back in Senegal, I long for the closeness with God that being a missionary would bring out of necessity. What makes me sad is that having an every day life in America necessitates that relationship too, I'm just too proud and self-centered to develop it. Hm. I think there needs to be a change. I wish I knew how to initiate that. I know all the Sunday school answers, but what will really click it in my head?
I got a letter today because of a background check our church needed to have us work in the nursery. There was an incident on there, a speeding ticket. Problem was, it was for Ohio in 2002, and for a Jennifer Lea Smith. Pretty sure I've never driven in Ohio, especially not in 2002, and my name was Jennifer Lynn Smith. Now, I have a speeding ticket, which I had to pay the same amount as that other girl, but mine was in 2001 and in Sangamon County, IL. I disputed it, and they took my information, and asked me to fax my ID. Too bad the fax number they gave me is no longer a working number. Great. I'll have to call back on Monday. Weird situation.
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